So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
