After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
