I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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