i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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