Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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