morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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