I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize