he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
