I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
