i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
