Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
