Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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