I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize