best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
NoShamevember. You game?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
