fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
