Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
