I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
