This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
