worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
