can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
