i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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