my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
