it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
