i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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