So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
