The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
