please come you make the beer taste better
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
