Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
