Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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