Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Small penises have feelings too.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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