I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
