flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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