Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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