it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
