i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
