i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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