You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize