sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
