oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
