i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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