i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize