overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
