Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
