At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
