I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
