Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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