I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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