The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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