I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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