he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
