Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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