You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
