I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
