I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
