he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
