GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
