So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
two words: eviction party
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
