Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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