i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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