battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
there is puke in my bra ... again
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