right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
