I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
