I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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