You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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