I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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