Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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