A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize