Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize