Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
