You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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