I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
