honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize