P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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