Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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