if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
