Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
