if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
