marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
