Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
