Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
