this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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